kilgore trout (lefthanded) wrote,
kilgore trout
lefthanded

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you were the first one, and I would like to say...

My roommate and I are finally at a stage in our relationship where farting in front of each other is totally acceptable, even slightly encouraged. Blame is no longer ducked, false accusations are no longer required, and perhaps even more importantly, the awkwardness associated with pretending that nothing at all happened during a painfully obvious smell is forever gone.

"Hey, Daniel, was that you?" asks my roommate.
"Yes, Roommate, it was," I calmly reply. "I am responsible for the horrific odor you now must deal with."
"I respect your honesty, integrity, and humanity. Thank you."
"No, thank you."

Last night’s hall meeting was a small educational program regarding safe sex. The female student leading the program showed us how to put on a condom, and informed us of various other intelligent precautions we should take. Now, by and large, I consider myself a reasonably mature individual, but once the female finished her demonstration with the giant dildo, she continued to hold it and wave it around as a pointer, occasionally tapping it against her head to assist in her thinking. This was too much for me to handle, never before have I been called on to ask a question by being pointed at by an imposter penis.

Also noteworthy was the skimpy shirt worn by this female, which, in combination with no bra and the process of bending over, provided me with my first in-person look at a boob in approximately 17 years, or however long it’s been since I stopped being breastfed.
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