The foam dance two nights ago was fantastic. About 30 people at a time dancing in a giant pit of what both smelled and stung like soap. At one point in the evening, when all were blinded, I successfully employed the classic simpsons quote, "MY EYES, THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!" It was perhaps my finest reference ever. I had been warned, prior to attending, that this annual event was actually one of the most erotic festivals on campus, and that groping was not only welcomed but encouraged. Of course, if you have any idea who I am, you'll know that I'm too much of a gentlemen to perform sexual actions while dancing in foam, but I did manage to accidentally assault a girl from behind, and rather than be annoyed or humiliated by this, her immediate response was to be aroused. In retrospect, this gives me both great pleasure and great regret. Pleasure because I now know that I can attract women by attacking them, and regret because I could have been getting my mack on hardcore right there, but instead I smiled stupidly at her and turned away, like an 18th century british orphan chimney sweep, completely oblivious to the world that exists around me.